What I won’t miss

There are a lot of things that I won’t miss about the pre-transformation me. It would be a lot easier, and far less embarrassing to just tell you about these. But I think that it’s easier to talk your way out of words than it is to deny truth. Words can make excuses, lie, mislead. Pictures tell the truth, as it was, and demand for you to accept it, and move forward.

Taking pictures of things instead of myself

Hiding in pictures.

Being funny in pictures, trying to mask being fat.

My double chin.

Looking and feeling frumpy in pictures.

Crying when I see myself in pictures.

Sweating all the time, and every pose being an unflattering pose.

Trying too hard on the outside, to mask the pain on the inside.

Being uncomfortable in my own skin.

Letting my poor choices make me miss out. Watching my best friend graduate without me.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Day 18, progress and reflection « firstdayoftherestofdays

  2. tabithakristine
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 11:05:26

    Ashlee, regardless of your weight and personal opinions of yourself, I want you to know that you are beautiful to me. You are an inspiration to me in many ways, and I want to make sure that you hold onto that throughout your journey. I am behind you 100% and if you need anything, I will do my very best to help and support you.

    I know what it feels like to be uncomfortable in your own skin.

    Reply

    • ashlee2012
      Jan 27, 2012 @ 23:34:21

      Thank you, Tabitha! There are always going to be moments of doubt, but that’s what this journey is all about. Getting comfortable in my own skin, and embracing my beauty. Getting healthy so I can enjoy a long, beautiful life. Thank you for your support, I’m so blessed to have you in my life!

      Reply

  3. jacque
    Oct 28, 2012 @ 18:47:44

    i landed here from another blog and read each one of these, as if I wrote them myself. Realizing that I made myself invisible by opting out of pictures and videos. At my moms wake, the rolling videos only had 2 pics of me over the age of 21. I am inspired by your progress and unabashed enthusiasm to move forward. Thank you.

    Reply

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